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#52: Self loathing

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#52: Self loathing
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Self-loathing is a strong hatred towards oneself.  You will also find with it a lot of internal thoughts of criticism and self judgment. Underneath that there will be a layer of beliefs relating to worthlessness. This layer of beliefs about being bad, unworthy, or inferior somehow justifies the emotional punishment of hate and anger one pours on themselves.  What makes this cycle perpetual is that the beliefs involved in the unworthiness and emotional punishment cycles don’t have enough awareness to look around and see if there are other options.  There is a kind of certainty that this is the best course of action and that the hate and anger are deserved.

I this podcast we explore the unconscious beliefs that can be behind self-loathing and self-hatred.  I also explore why getting rid of these habits can be accompanied with resistance, fears, and objections from our own mind. You can learn how to do this process through my Self Mastery Course or through my book MindWorks: A practical guide to changing thoughts, beliefs, and emotional reactions.

#51: Unconscious beliefs

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#51: Unconscious beliefs
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Unconscious beliefs are agreements we have in our mind that we have no awareness we are holding. In spite of not having any intellectual knowledge of our own beliefs, they can still cause us to have emotional reactions and sabotaging behaviors.  Often these beliefs are formed early in our life, either through a strong emotional event, or through subtle repetition. In this audio I discuss a woman’s fear of flying that formed when she was 5 years old.

She avoided the issue for years, mostly by not flying or through taking medications.  When we took an inventory of the belief and when it was formed she discovered that her fear had nothing to do with flying. Beliefs in a powerless identity, feeling helpless, the world not being safe, and the fear of death, were all fused together when she was on her way to her grandmothers funeral. These unconscious beliefs can mask themselves for years or decades behind a smart intellect that makes excuses, a denial system that distracts and deflects the issue, or white knuckled under repressed emotions. The way to change the emotional reactions and sabotaging behaviors that these unconscious beliefs may be causing is through an honest inventory of beliefs and behaviors. You can learn how to do this process through my Self Mastery Course or through my book MindWorks: A practical guide to changing thoughts, beliefs, and emotional reactions.

#50: Personal power and responsibility

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#50: Personal power and responsibility
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When you take responsibility for your life, you also accept a power over it. Taking responsibility for the good stuff is easy, it is the not so good stuff that feels uncomfortable. But this is what you want the power to change. When you are in the expression of blame, you personify a victim attitude that is powerless.  When you accept some responsibility for your half, and this does not mean blame your self, you begin to change your story.

#49: Anxiety – understanding it differently

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#49: Anxiety - understanding it differently
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Attempts to overcoming or at least reduce anxiety tend to fail. Perhaps our efforts fail because we are applying the wrong understanding, and therefore the wrong model for changing it.  Anxiety isn’t the kind of thing that responds to our intellect. That is why very intelligent and highly educated individuals often are susceptible to issues of anxiety, anxiety attacks, and panic attacks.  Their efforts to change are often intellectual or through a system of knowledge that they are familiar with. There may be a different way to understand anxiety that can help.

#48: Becoming the observer – mindfulness practice

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#48: Becoming the observer - mindfulness practice
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Becoming the observer requires that we do it in a neutral witness manner. It is not enough to just think about our self, any egotistical person can do that. If this were the case, the narcissist would be very self-aware when this is actually furthest from the truth.  When the ego part of the mind thinks about our self it often does it with a sense of comparison. That part of the mind will compare us to someone else, or an idealized version we hold in our belief system.  It is evaluating how well or how poorly we did something. It might even judge us for not being very spiritually aware. It is an egotistical thought that says we are not meditating enough or not doing enough mindfulness practices. While these may seem like observations, they are not. They are criticisms with an agenda.  The result of which is that we feel worse.

When we act in the way of a neutral observer we notice different things. We notice when those thoughts are arising from parts of our ego and the emotions they produce. We can also notice the idealized version in the background of our mind being used as comparison. We might notice the idea that we could sit down and spend some time in quiet meditation, and then notice how our emotions, thoughts, and body reacts to that idea. As an observer we might notice negative thoughts rebut why it is not a good time, we are busy, or that we will be better served by exercising today. The Observer state of mind doesn’t see any of these rebuttals as a problem as that would have an agenda. It just notices these rebuttals as if it were a car driving by with an interesting paint job. If it were to think anything about them it would say, “I notice a rebuttal coming from other parts of my mind… interesting.”

Read this article for more on being the neutral witness observer

In the online training in the Self Mastery Course I guide you how to move into the observer state, step by step.

#47: Reality, projections and illusions

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#47: Reality, projections and illusions
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How much does our mind project into what we see and distort our perception of things? Is it possible to know the truth about things? What is reality? What is illusion? All these questions first require that we understand perception. When we begin to understand how we perceive the world, or our self, we become immediately aware that the mind has the capacity to distort and project on to what we see in ways that are difficult to spot.

Once you realize that the mind that is distorting things is at the beginning of our perception and interpretation of events, you become aware that perceiving reality is much more difficult. The mind affects and changes what we see before we get a chance to be consciously aware. Not only are the images we see with our brain processed by turning them upside down, but two 2D images are converted to one 3D image without us noticing. Who knows what else it might be adding or changing.

You can help your self untangle the stories of drama in your mind by applying the Self Mastery sessions. You can begin with the first four exercises as a free trial.

 

 

#46: Affirmations can backfire

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#46: Affirmations can backfire
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Sometimes people get poor results with affirmations. When they say positive things about themselves the dialogue of thoughts in their head pushes back with harsh negative comments. Those harsh criticisms cause them to feel more negative emotions than were produced with the positive affirmations. The overall result of the affirmation process is to end up feeling worse than before one started. This is what I call pushback from our ego’s belief system. This is also known as the “Backfire Effect”.  The net effect of this affirmations attempt is that our self-image and self-esteem is pushed down instead of up.

The same kind of backfire effect, or pushback, happens when other people give us compliments. Often the automated response from our ego’s belief system is to dismiss or contradict the compliment. Our mind effectively minimizes or dismisses their kind uplifting words and expressions people give us about our self. In this unconscious manner of speaking, our ego does not allow to fully receive positive thoughts of our self that would improve our self-image and self-esteem. The first step to solving and changing this dynamic is to be aware and mindful. Before we can change this pattern of dismissing and countering positive thoughts and expressions we must first be aware of what we are doing. Once you are aware, you can then begin to intercede with a more positive response in that moment. Without that awareness you won’t notice the critical moment to change your response.

For more insights you can read my book MindWorks.

#45: The Hero’s journey

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#45: The Hero's journey
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The Hero’s Journey was outlined to me through the works of  Joseph Campbell years ago. It is the classic tale often told through movies and stories going back to The Odyssey by Homer and many modern versions including Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and The Matrix. It’s appeal is that it represents our journey to create peace and happiness within our self and our own mind. The “Dark Forces” that we are challenged by our our inner demons of false beliefs, false self images, unpleasant emotions, fears and those loud voices in our head that spew negative thoughts.

The challenge is to make a commitment to claim the kingdom of your mind and put order to all the contradicting voices and create peace and harmony in your mind, and in your heart. Until you do that, you will not find peace within.

#44: Persistence and resistance

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#44: Persistence and resistance
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Jamie is one of the most persistent people at doing personal change work that I know. She also resists change, happiness and unconditional love more than just about anyone I know. What does resistance look like and how do you navigate around it to make changes in your self? In this interview you have an opportunity to get a good look at it. There are also some clues on how to be aware of resistance so you can move through those fears and limiting beliefs faster.

Jamie’s approach to dealing with her resistance to unconditional love and being happy was and unrelenting and persistent drive for the Truth. In the process Jamie is completely re-writing the story of her life. It’s an inspiring story of change, and one that she is not finished telling yet.

It will be interesting to see where it goes.

#43: Overcoming insecurity and develop confidence

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#43: Overcoming insecurity and develop confidence
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Attempts to develop confidence often fail because they revolve around projecting a positive self image or achieving success. Unfortunately these two things don’t eliminate other beliefs causing feelings of insecurity. To overcome the feeling of insecurity effectively it is necessary to identify and eliminate the beliefs that generate feelings of unworthiness, fear, and anxiety. It is not enough to just cover them up with positive self images. That won’t achieve a solid feeling of confidence as long as the beliefs connected to insecurity are still intact in our mind.

More on this topic on my article about Overcoming insecurity 

For practical steps to identify and change the core beliefs causing insecurity, use the exercises in my Self Mastery Course.

 

#42: Stop beating your self up

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#42: Stop beating your self up
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Due to an internal dialog of negative thoughts you can really beat your self up. If the self berating thoughts are strong enough it can induce feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, and even depression. People often try to remedy this by willing their negative thoughts to stop. I’ve never seen this work, and with very good reason. To effectively change the thoughts and beliefs we beat our self up with it is important to look at the problem differently. That’s what I do in this free audio on what specifically happens when you are “beating yourself up”.

This audio helps clarify what is going on in your mind when you do this. Once you understand this situation better, you will see why trying to will it to stop is a set up for failure. You will also have other practical solutions available to you in the Self Mastery Course.

The reason you can’t stop the “beating your self up” with shear will power is that those negative thoughts aren’t being directed by you. They are being driven by a part of the mind that has taken on a life of it’s own and is not under your control. But you can get it under your control.

#41: Meditation for beginners

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#41: Meditation for beginners
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This simple meditation lets anyone begin to enter into a state of mindfulness using a very common sense practical approach. What our mind construes as a deeply mystical thing like meditation doesn’t have to be so esoteric.

This free audio explains a simple way to begin using meditation for relaxation and stress reduction. It also covers what to expect when you begin to meditate so that you can avoid being surprised and become disappointed or frustrated. This will help you continue with your practice and become more successful and mindful in the process. It also explains suggested guidelines and what they are for so you don’t become distracted by what rules to follow or not follow.

#40: Self awareness and mindfulness

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#40: Self awareness and mindfulness
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Understanding how your mind creates emotional reactions is key to making personal change. This understanding of the mind is done through mindfulness, also know as self awareness. In a basic level of awareness you might notice how someone’s mood changes. A deeper level of awareness allows you notice your own mood, and how it affects your behavior and interactions. A deeper level of awareness will allow you to perceive the factors affecting your mood and change them.

Self awareness, also called mindfulness, is an important step to permanently changing your negative thoughts, emotional reactions, and self destructive behaviors.

#39: What is a belief?

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#39: What is a belief?
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A belief begins as a conceptual idea in our mind. Then our imagination turns it into something like a dream, or virtual reality. A belief, particularly a false belief, has the capacity to create an illusion in our imagination that seems like reality. We then react to that illusion emotionally as if it were real. The emotions we feel as such as fear, anger, jealousy or insecurity are real, but the illusion we are reacting to in our mind is not real.

Beliefs not only alter how we see the world, but also how we see our selves. Within a belief we can create a false identity of who we are; an ego identity. We then falsely believe that this character of our imagination is us. This is how we end up believing and feeling that we are not good enough, broken, unlovable, or that there is something wrong with us. In reality there is nothing wrong with us. At the central core of it all you are fine. However you may not feel fine because you are having emotional reactions to all the negative thoughts in your head and false beliefs.

The Self Mastery program provides you a process to identify and change your false and fear based beliefs.  The first few sessions are free for you to sample.

 

#38: Self Mastery Course results interview

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#38: Self Mastery Course results interview
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David served in the Army and National Guard. After responding to the World Trade Center and Afghanistan he came home and discovered that his emotional reactions were out of control and inappropriate. In this interview, he shares how the Self Mastery course has helped him.

David first signed up for the free sessions in July and purchased the Basic Self Mastery series two months later in September. When we did this interview in March he had only received the last of the Basic Series sessions about 2 months prior. That’s not a lot of time to put all the tools and techniques together. However, he was making a personal change in his emotional reactions and was feeling much better about being in the world as he learns to become more efficient with the tools he is learning.

David shared with me that when he came back from Afghanistan he didn’t feel like himself. His emotional reactions weren’t appropriate. The  “thing” that gets turned on in your mind in a war zone that helps you to survive doesn’t just turn off when you get home.  His emotional and physiological systems were still operating in that heightened state for survival even when he was walking into the grocery store, the gas station, or going to the gym. He realized that he needed to make some changes and found that the Self Mastery Course Exercises have helped.

 

#37: Confusion about love, compassion, hope, integrity and loyalty

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#37: Confusion about love, compassion, hope, integrity and loyalty
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Love, Compassion, Hope, Integrity, and Loyalty are the subject of this audio. This is an excerpt from a talk I gave at a Spiritual Retreat in 2010. Our mind has the ability to imagine in a myriad of ways. Because of this it also has the ability to distort, confuse, create chaos, and emotional drama as well. One of the ways that this happens is through the misuse of language. Even the basic building blocks of language such as words can be distorted and made confusing by how the mind alters its meaning when we are not aware.

If you want to implement changes in the way your mind works, how you feel emotionally, or negative behaviors, start by downloading and listening to the free audios from the Self Mastery Program

#36: Anger management

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#36: Anger management
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I don’t think we should just manage our anger. I believe in eliminating anger. Trying to control triggers, circumstances, and other people so we don’t become angry is too much work. It is much easier to identify and change the core beliefs causing our anger. In this episode I outline what the process of managing and eliminating anger looks like when you do it with awareness.

If you want to eliminate anger, and the core beliefs that cause anger follow the step by step process outlined in the Self Mastery Course.

#35: Sexual performance anxiety

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#35: Sexual performance anxiety
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Sexual Performance Anxiety

Sexual performance anxiety can cause a lot of stress in a relationship.

Sexual performance anxiety creates guilt, shame, and fears, that corrupt the emotional connection and can lead to and disconnection. In this podcast, I outline what goes on in a man’s head and some of the core beliefs at the root of the issue.

At the core of sexual performance, anxiety is the fear of failure, rejection from our partner, and self-rejection.

These expressions take place in our minds and affect our emotions. When we are caught up in these core beliefs of rejection our attention becomes so focused on these beliefs and emotions that we are no longer present with our partner and sexual experience. At that point, it is difficult to get aroused when what you are focused on is the beliefs in your head and the emotions they are producing.

In order to change this dynamic, it is necessary to identify and change the beliefs causing projections in our imagination and to unhook our attention from them and focus on what we are doing with our partner and our self. This shift in our mental state is all parter of better awareness and mindfulness.

#34: Spiritual journey interview

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#34: Spiritual journey interview
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Carolyn shares her experience on the 7 day Spiritual Intensive she took with me to Teotihuacán Mexico. She discovers what it is like to shed fear based self judgments from her childhood and embrace the experience of unconditional love. It’s no longer an intellectual idea that she reads about in books. It is a tangible way of living life that is now a very real possibility for her life.

She discovered that the journey wasn’t about the place, the mythology, or the history. The important focus of the journey was her and the process for transforming the emotional quality of her life.

You can find out more about these spiritual journeys and retreats on my events page.

#33: Inception and the life of an idea in the mind

Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
Awareness and Consciousness Podcast
#33: Inception and the life of an idea in the mind
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The idea that ideas are alive has been around a long time. Careful observation reveals that ideas, thoughts, and beliefs behave as if they are alive in the mind. When ideas grow and link together with other ideas they become big stories and can have multiple points of view and tangents. Large story ideas intertwined with emotion act more like dreams. There are daydreams when we are awake, and dreams in our mind when we are asleep. The key to changing these ideas, stories, dreams, and the emotions they carry is for the dreamer to wake up.

Richard Dawkins term for ideas that live like parasites in the mind and have a life of their own is meme. I suggest watching this video first.

This video from Dan Dennett on Memes and dangerous ideas that direct their host to kill the hosts of other meme’s is worth watching.

Scientist and author Richard Dawkins published “The Selfish Gene” in 1976. Some background is provided here on this Wikipedia page.

Topics covered in this podcast include, ideas the the mind, how they act as parasites, references to the movie Inception, how ideas spread, have a life of their own, go viral, how our ideas control what we do. Our mind is a host of ideas.