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Recently a client asked me, “Are there some things worth fighting for? It seems like all this work is about acceptance, and making peace, and being grateful. Do you just kind of roll over and give into what is going on in life? Is that what this work entails?”
My reply was, “Yes. There are things worth fighting for. For me, these are things like peace of mind, happiness, love, respect. These states of mind and states of peaceful happiness aren’t usually achieved through conflict, certainly not conflict with others. However, we do have to engage in actions to get results. On the flip side, I instructed my client to take a look at the things she was fighting for during the day, and what the actual results were. What was all her fighting actually getting her? I got this email a few days later. What N. discovered was that much of the fighting she was doing wasn’t emotionally worth it, particularly since she got zero benefit.
I woke up this morning with a FEELING of gratitude. When I thought about why, I realized it was because of how many of my stories had literally disappeared by your response to one of my questions during our latest coaching session. I had asked if there was anything worth fighting for and you told me that there absolutely was. However, they were things, abstract things that I didn’t expect.
Take a good look at what you fight for. Write it out and see what it looks like. Do you actually win any of these fights? What do you lose? Make everyone miserable so I can push my agenda? Is that how things are solved? I had never looked at this scenario from this perspective because in my story (stories), I was “fighting” for the “better” everything. I see the ego there, now. By the way, ego, used to be a totally foreign concept to me. I’m just starting to understand this word, ego.
Also, I now have a working definition of the word “love.” When I first started the Basic Self Mastery Series, I began to realize that I had no clue what this word meant. As I finished the Advanced Series, I still did not know the meaning of this word and now I believe that I do. I’m starting to see its’ meaning in situations and I’m beginning to understand how to love those around me through my actions, not just my words. I’m on a different level, I’ve worked through an entire level, I’m onto new territory. I can feel the shift.
Here are just a few examples of how love has been manifesting now (during the past few days-our conversation was last Monday, LOL):
-It’s okay that my husband didn’t use a coupon to buy that Keurig coffee thing. (my previous story-why wouldn’t you buy something on sale or with a coupon if you can, saving money is smart, duh)
-It’s okay that my son charged school lunch yet AGAIN even though my mom makes him school lunch every day. (my previous story, what doesn’t this child get about not charging lunch, we make him a perfectly fine lunch from home, his not listening to me in this instance doesn’t mean he’s a “bad” child that’s going to turn out “bad”…LOL)
-It’s okay that my husband cooked dinner for a family of four but our kitchen looks like we just finished catering the company holiday party…and now I have to clean the kitchen (my previous story-why is it that when I cook, I also clean up and when he cooks, I STILL clean up?!)
It’s okay, it’s ALL okay…and I see now what I was fighting for, I was feeding my desire to be “right” and it presented itself in very nicely packaged stories and interesting characters.
There are still many “mistakes” that I make everyday and in many instances. However, upon reflection I can see where my choices were and where they will be again (since so many situations in my life are total repeats of each other). The best part is, I don’t know if and when I’ll ever reach mastery but I’m okay with this. I know that as I keep practicing, that little window of opportunity to choose something other than reaction will present itself more and will stay open longer, I just have to keep practicing. (here are another 2 words, free-will & choice).
So, in conclusion, thank you, from the bottom of my heart AND with every ounce of my being for all of your hard work to present something that has really been life-changing (cliché, but oh so true) for me. For many, many, many years I have been in search for a “cure” and I am normally attracted to everything self-help and quit because it didn’t work for me, and it was too hard, and it didn’t apply to me.
A no, I don’t want to share my feelings with everyone and COMMUNICATE to them what is/was bothering me and SHARE my point of view in order to find peace and happiness. It was a breath of fresh air to keep my stories to myself and still be able to work through them. So, no, we don’t explode when we “hold our stories and opinions in because we can still relieve ourselves of the emotions that get all “bottled up inside.”
In my experience, your work has been the only thing I have ever come across that actually has exercises that explain how to transform your life (not a small feat). Your work is also the only one that made it okay to FAIL (whatever that means) and still be okay because this really is a work in progress. How novel, I can be happier and more at peace and NEVER actually reach a finish line.
So, it is 7:10 PM EST time and I am STILL IN GRATITUDE from 6:00 this morning. I believe that I am now able to practice awareness on a whole new and different level. I have gotten off my plateau and have graduated from pre-K. :)
Gratitude, Love, and Respect (I write these knowing their meaning :)),
Two things to consider. There are things that are worth fighting for, but first consider if what you are fighting about gets you any results, or does it create emotional drama with no results?
N started her inquiry that day by asking about the thought, “If you don’t stand for anything, you will fall for everything.” I don’t understand what that statement means. It actually contradicts itself. Metaphorically, if you fall for something, then you believe in it. If you believe in it, then you will be supporting that belief, or standing for it.
The phrase or suggestion is nonsense, at least to me. But we might have that thought in our head, or it might be proposed by someone else. Usually when they are trying to get us to fall for what they are offering. But because someone says it, doesn’t mean it is true, even if they say it with authoritative confidence it isn’t necessarily true. Learn to be a skeptic, and don’t fall for these thoughts, opinions, and false beliefs. For step by step guidance on freeing your self from negative thoughts and false beliefs, try the free Trial Sessions of the Self Mastery Course.2