The issue of Not Feeling Lovable came up a couple times recently. It’s a common belief, and it comes with a feeling, sometimes a very strong feeling. Recently a woman who was given up for adoption as a child was dealing with that story. She had some evidence that she wasn’t lovable as a child because her mother had given her up. At least that’s the way our ego looks at the situation. It looks at other people’s choices and then uses it to reinforce or invent a belief about ourselves.
It’s a faulty logic. It is as if the child or person being loved was worthy or not worthy, based on whether people loved them or not.
My intent is to flip it and put the ability to love, on the person doing the loving. Are they capable? They determine if a person gets the love or not… Not the child or person in the receiver position.
I love you,,, why,,, because I have the ability to do it and choose to. With me the bar isn’t very high (conditional) in order to express love to you. You exist… good enough for me. You don’t have to say the “right”things, call on time, not cuss, let me talk, or do what I say, or believe what I believe. I love you without those conditions. I can love you in all those situations because I am ABLE to LOVE. That means that I am Love – enABLEd or Love-able. I have the ability to love. If I love you, that’s a measurement of what I do. It doesn’t mean anything about you, but our ego mind tends to distort it that way. That’s what is important to be aware of, be mindful of, and skeptical of.
If someone doesn’t love you, that’s a measure of them.
If you weren’t loved, treated with respect, or treated well at some time in your life, that is a measure of them. It probably means they aren’t very practiced at it and aren’t very capABLE of loving.
If you don’t love yourself much, then that’s something you can change. When you practice being more kind and loving to yourself and others, you will be more Love-able also.
For practical exercises to change your beliefs about being lovable, check out the free sessions of the Self Mastery Series.4