Struggling with the Exercises

Dear Gary,
I recently came upon your site while doing a Google search for overcoming jealousy. It has been thus far a good tool for me.

I see the material as excellent – as close to exact as what I believe I need to get past my own unhappiness and insecurity. I listen to the lessons in the Self Mastery Course, and I think, “I can do this – it’s so simple!” I start a lesson, do it for a couple of days, but when I don’t do it for the third day and I believe I failed. I then feel terrible. If I had done the lesson on the third day and subsequently, then perhaps I would have succeeded in this thread. What can I do?

Feeling Overwhelmed,


Hi S.

A simple solution…. don’t believe the voice in your head that says you are failing. It doesn’t know what it is talking about.

It is very common to start one of the exercises and only do it for a couple or few days. I won’t go into it here, but we resist the very actions that would create change.  No need to believe the defeated story because this is how success starts. One of the antidotes to this resistance in the audio series is that there are many different sessions. They change all the time. This way you can do one for a few days. Take a break, and then a few days later pick up another tool and practice with it. Having different exercises to work with also helps overcome the boredom/monotony obstacle.

You get to practice a little at a time with each of the tools. Over time, you spend so much time practicing in little segments that you become very proficient with them.

You can do this. It is simple, but not easy. It may take a little more time than the voice in your head assumes it should take, but that ‘s because the voice in your head is a liar. You don ‘t need to finish the lesions in their entirety. Just practice them in tidbits as you can. Do your best. Every little action will be a step.

There are faster ways but, they can be more emotionally challenging, and not everyone responds to them well.
Managing Expectations.

Part of the problem here is that your mind has already created a whole picture of expectations of what you are  supposed to do to succeed. It probably has already secretly created requirements of how much you are supposed to do, and when you should have finished. If you don ‘t meet these requirements the mind has set up, then it concludes you are a failure.

The critical step in managing these expectations is to first be aware that the mind has created them. The second step is to recognize that they are false assumptions. Your mind hasn’t previously solved this problem of unhappiness, or done the exercises in my course but it proposes to come up with the perfect solutions you are supposed to follow.

That ‘s ridiculous. If the belief system in the mind, with it ‘s judge and victim voices, knew how to be happy, wouldn’t they have gotten you there by now?

Manage these expectations by recognizing that they are ridiculous. Start by getting some reasonable input from someone that has either done the process, or from someone that has guided people through the process.

My note above about doing it in smaller steps is one way I ‘m attempting to plant a seed in your mind that will undermine those false expectations.

You will also probably find a very useful tool in the first paid sessions that you haven’t gotten to yet. And an even more useful tool in Session 6. These sessions do have a certain order so that future sessions will help you with what you have discovered so far.

My last recommendation is to pick up the book The Four Agreements, by don Miguel Ruiz. It is full of great wisdom and insight. I think it will be a helpful companion to the process if you don’t already have it.