Self Sabotage

Hi Gary,

My name is Patty and I just wanted to share with you something that happened in the past few days. You see, I am a senior veterinary student and I am preparing to take the national board examination this November, graduate next May, and then off into the real world I go.

As I was taking practice tests to prepare, I realized how much the Inner Judge of my Ego comes out to play during these times. I observed that when I came across a question I wasn’t sure I knew, my Judge immediately said “you don’t know this, you will get this one wrong.” I realized that the Victim side of the Ego believed it, and said “you’re right Judge, I shouldn’t invest too much time on this since I will be getting it wrong.” And wouldn’t ya know it, every question I did this with, I got wrong. There is a pattern here I realized, and it wasn’t that I didn’t know the answers, it was just that I believed I didn’t. Sure I would still try to eliminate seemingly wrong answers, but the whole time believing I would ultimately get it wrong.

So I would love to say that now I just observe those thoughts, don’t put any belief in them, and I am getting every question right now, lol. But no. I am just aware of what is going on in my mind, trying to be an observer, and trying to not put belief/faith into the Judge and Victim parts of the Ego while I study. What is amazing is that when I do this, when I just observe, when I don’t have a voice telling me I will get this one wrong, I feel way less stressed about it and can use that energy into figuring the question out rather than investing that energy into getting the question wrong.

Is there more I could do to not invest time/energy/faith/belief into these unproductive thoughts? Perhaps it’s more about what not to do, and that continuing to practice refraining and just observing is the way to go? Just wanted to make sure I am not missing something here.

On a side note, I wanted to sincerely thank you for sharing this pathway to happiness. I, in turn, have shared it with so many others and have directed them to your website. My closest friend, Emily, and I were at a very trying point in our friendship earlier this year because I felt threatened and insecure about her new relationship and felt that she was going to leave me and never want to hang out any more. It seemed like such a silly thing that I could not control: my thoughts, my emotions, my jealousy, and my insecurities. I felt so much frustration and hate towards my self because I knew if I couldn’t get a hold of my emotions, and the very thing I was afraid of happening would happen.

Emily grew up with a mom who lives by the four agreements and has studied Deepak Chopra, Don Miguel Ruiz, and others with a similar way of thinking. What’s funny is that Emily never realized this until I found your website.  When I started talking to her and her mom about it, her mom was so excited to share everything she knew and believed. Emily had no idea this is what her mom had been teaching her her whole life. She just thought it was the way everyone should think and had a hard time understanding why so many people could not control their emotions. It was her constant self-awareness that initially drew me towards her and I knew we would be best friends. And what looked like was going to be the possible end of our friendship turned into the best thing that ever happened to it.

As I learn new things or figure things out , I share them with Emily, and most of the time her response is, “Ohhh, that’s why my mom always said this or that to me.” At the same time, she is really learning “understanding” through all of this and seems to have more patience with people when they do things that show that they are not self-aware, not in control of their emotions, or have core beliefs that are so self-destructive. Bottom line is that this has been such a cool pathway for the both of us and for each of us individually. There is so much to learn still and I am incredibly excited about my future, about my life, because I am in control of it.  (Well, that was a rather long side note.)

Thanks again!   Patty

Hi Patty,,,

To answer your question about, “… Is there anything more I can do.”  Or really, is there less I can do, because what you are really engaging in is an act of refrain.  Instead of adopting the identity of the Judge and Victim, you aren’t.  And instead of accepting and believing what the internal dialog says in your head,, you don’t.  So you are actually doing less.

I suggest you keep doing less.  It’s practice at this point with the exercises in the Self Mastery course, and that will make you better at it.   It all gets easier with practice.  Add more of the exercises from the course, as well as from the Advanced Series, and Relationship Course, and you become more skillful,,,, at doing less drama and self sabotage.

Happy Hunting,

And good luck with the exams and the animals.