Source of Jealousy

Hello Gary,

I would just like to firstly thank you for  everything! You have made such a positive impact on my life so far with the Self Mastery program, your book and also the podcasts are a huge support for me! Recently I feel like I have had a real breakthrough with my jealousy issue. It occurred to me while doing a belief inventory process from your Self Mastery course and I would love to share it with you:

As I sat in my room working through a belief inventory I realized a whole history of an automated pattern. As a child I used to compete in horse showing, my parents would dress me so smart and my horse would be immaculate and we would parade around the show ring trying to catch the eye of the judge, sitting up straighter, walking more energetically and so on. If the judge looked my way I would gain a sense of reward! At the end of the performance the competitors would all parade around the ring while the judge and steward would point towards the winner, second, third and fourth place. The winner would take the lead and all others join the line with everyone else at the back!

If I won I would be proud and happy, if I came second or less I would consider this a failure and feel bad and worthless! I realized that I had carried this on through my life outside the show ring and felt that if someone else got a compliment from my boyfriend for example, they would then be the winner in that contest as they had gained the attention and therefore I was the loser and therefore worthless!

I felt if someone else got the promotion at work then they were the winner and therefore putting me into less than first place which again meant I must be the loser.  I would feel all the negative feelings I would do as a child not winning the first place rosette! As silly as these sounds this underlying emotional process was governing my life and the source of jealousy and resentment towards others!

Now I can see this for what it is, a load of baloney and I feel free from these beliefs! If I catch myself saying negative things about others I ask myself, is this because the Princess part of my ego wants to knock them off top spot and to put herself there instead? And I am able to laugh about how silly these kinds of comparisons from childhood are.  I then remind myself that there is no contest and that we aren’t in a competition! With this I gain my peace! Thank you for reading I hope this helps others to understand their inner demons too.
Warmest of wishes

C. N.

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Related Article:  Overcoming Jealousy