Dear Gary,

My problem now is that I can not understand what is my way. What is correct and what is incorrect, what should I do and what I shouldn’t do.

I really would like to change and feel that I need to be changed, but I cannot understand what is my starting point.

 Confused

Dear Confused,

Your questions are common.  If I was to go about a project like building a house I wouldn’t know where to start either.  It’s a big job, with complexities, and I haven’t done it before so I don’t know how to go about it.  That’s not something to feel is a problem. It’s just the situation.

You are faced with making many decisions about a path of changing things like your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors and have no training on how to go about it.  My suggestion is that you recognize that at this stage there are just things you do not know how to change these things.  Also recognize that you know how to go about figuring out which way is the best way.  But you can figure it out guidance, research, and some trial and error.

My suggestion is that you try different things.  Read different authors, get ideas from different places, try different techniques and give them enough time to make a difference.  See what works, and what doesn’t work, what appeals to you and what doesn’t and find, mostly by trial and error, what works for you.  The reason I say by trial and error is because your reasoning mind will not figure out a solution and have an answer by sitting back and thinking about how this is done.

No amount of me sitting back and thinking about the best way to build a house will give me a good answer that I will feel confident about. Simply because I do not know enough about house building to feel confident no matter what direction I decide is the best one.  This is why it is wise to work with someone who has built houses when you learn to build a house.  It is also why you work with a teacher who has walked the path, and guided others on their path.   It saves a lot of time, energy, and you end up with a much better house in less time.

In the beginning it can start with resolution.  I don’t know how I am going to change these things about myself and my belief system, but I will figure it out and change them.   This is an honest place to start.

Personally I recommend people start with my Self Mastery Course to help identify and change core beliefs.