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My client is 25. The other day his mom started yelling at him again. Yes, this is part of a crazy world where adults still do this. What was different was that this time he sat there calmly. He didn’t feel hurt, and he didn’t get angry or defensive as he had in the past. He could see his mind offer those well-worn reactions, but instead he sat calmly watching his mom be out of control.
Then is mom yelled, “What’s the matter with you? Why are you just sitting there?” (As if there was something wrong with sitting calmly and not reacting.) In effect, she was trying to get him to react. She was trying to get him to play his well-established role in her drama-filled life. He didn’t take the bait. He had learned to listen to her in neutral. (See lesson 4 in the Introductory Self Mastery lessons) That’s a big step. It didn’t happen overnight.
Adults can act in emotionally reactive ways. To those who have learned to be calm and conscious, someone acting like his mom has an out-of-control crazy quality to it.
However, as I often mention in my course and in my book (and yes, in this newsletter), you don’t have to live there. You have the choice whether or not to let your mind go along with some drama you’re watching.
Our schooling seldom helps us learn to see and make that choice. We aren’t taught that we can control our mind and be at peace within. As you read my material (and the material of others who have walked the trail to self-discovery), you will understand how you can calm your mind, build peaceful emotions, and create a wholly different world for yourself. You can learn to notice your perspectives in moments and begin to choose how you react.
You won’t get control of your mental and emotional self by luck or accident. It takes work. However, the calmness and the focused power over yourself is well worth the effort. And, the Pathway to this kind of happiness starts by becoming aware of your choices in each moment. Will you choose the same pattern of the past, or will you choose something new and different?
The way many people approach the problem of dealing with something in the external world being out of control is with the unconscious belief that propels them to try to get someone else under control. Until your reaction to controlling them is under control, you don’t have much hope of being an example of control.2