Dealing With Grief

Hi Gary-

I find your insights incredibly rewarding and helpful.  I have been looking at your website (and bless you for making so much free btw), and one thing I see missing is anything about dealing with grief.  I have recently lost my boyfriend to an accident–and I have been having incredible metaphysical experiences, which I believe actually brought me to your sight–and it looks like dealing with every emotion is in there except that one.

It’s a toughy, and I haven’t seen anything anywhere that is really of much use.  I would love to hear what you have to say about it.



Hi S,

It’s hard to talk about an emotion that raw,,, and real.

I spend most of my efforts addressing how we create unhappiness and misery for our selves unnecessarily by putting our faith in beliefs that are false.  Real grief is not like that. You are going to feel emotion and there is no story behind it.  You are going to feel emotion and cry and there aren’t going to be any words to describe it,,, so what does one say.    Any words about such a real experience of grief will likely distort it.

There is a life afterwards,,, there is a shifting in one’s emotions over time.  Grief is not a permanent state.  There is a perspective,,, developed with a great deal of awareness where we don’t feel the pain anymore.  Actually we feel grateful for the time,,,, any time,,, every moment that we had with them.   But that comes with the acceptance of the nature of death… the dissolving of all things physically manifest.  They are all transient.  It’s a big perspective… one that is also difficult to talk about or put on a web page in text.   I talk about it in my more intensive retreats such as Zion or Mexico.  There’s more time to work with it.  The outcome,,, intended, anyways,,, is the realization that we are all here for a very short time… so don’t waste it.    And,,, if you do get some beautiful moments,,, and you get to experience something called unconditional love with someone, for someone, for god, the earth, your body, the stars or any unconditional love for anything at all,,,, then be grateful for the time that you had.   Because not everybody does.   It’s a different perspective about life when you take death into account here,,, a bigger perspective,,, and one that can lead you to appreciate everything, and every small thing in  a profound way.

So that is why I don’t have much on this site about grief yet.

God Speed,,,, may you find peace when you are done.