Criticizing Your Partner or the People You Love

Why do we say judgmental criticizing things to the person we love?

Why we criticize our husband or wife and what we can do about it?

Because we become so comfortable with that person that we don’t edit what goes through our mind.   We let the internal voice of the judge come out and speak to our partner the same way we let it speak to our self. When we are not aware we fall into believing what the critical voice in our head says about our partner in the same way we believe what it says about us.

With strangers, acquaintances, or friends, we put on a mask.  We are concerned about what they think of us.  We might even be afraid of what they think of us.  In any case we are guarded enough in what we say so that we don’t let the judgmental voice speak out in too critical a way.  In essence,,, we edit out of fear.  We hide our comments and put forth an image that is polite.  We don’t say what the inner judge thinks in our mind out of fear of their reaction.  This mask is more polite, but is a pretense motivated out of fear.

However, when we are with someone that is committed to us perhaps through marriage, we can let our guard down.    If they are accepting of us, and kind to us we are not afraid of being rejected by them.  We are not afraid of them leaving us.  The result is that we take our mask off and let the critical voice of the judge go unedited and verbally abuse and criticize our partner.  Because we don’t have the awareness that the inner judge is speaking to them the same critical comments it expresses about our self, we let it damage the relationship with the person we love.

When we have awareness we can develop a gap and observe the thoughts of the judge in our head.  In that gap we have the opportunity to refrain from speaking those critical words out loud.  We can even refrain from believing what the voice of the inner judge says.  When you develop enough awareness the critical voice of the inner judge will begin to seem so ridiculous to you that you will find it funny and laugh.

To develop awareness and dismantle the critical voice of the inner judge, listen to and practice the exercises in the Self Mastery audio program.

The first four session are free.  You have nothing to lose, but that critical voice in your head.