Controlling Your Mind

Hi Gary,

I’m sorry that I e-mail you again. But I have this big problem that might be hard to explain but I’ll try. Your whole course depends on the belief that you can control your mind instead of the mind controlling you. Of course nobody wants that the mind has control over them but I’m starting to believe more and more that I cannot control my mind. And this realization alone makes me feel terrible. The reason why I feel good when I listen to your audio sessions is that they make me logically understand how you can control your mind. But that does not manifest in my experience – maybe I did not do the exercises enough – I’m planning to do the whole Self Mastery course again btw. Also what really makes this belief stronger as well is that my friends don’t seem to have this problem even though they never meditated or did any spiritual stuff.

I know that I should not think certain things in certain situations because I know better. But I still think them anyway – and this uurrgg freaks me out. It makes me feel that the mind is the boss over me while it should be the other way around. This is also the reason why I hate it so much that I cannot really implement your changes in my life even though I want to – because I think your course makes a lot of sense. Probably that I did not do the exercises enough is probably also because of the mind. I probably need to force it with all my power.

I hope you have some words that can regain my trust again :)

Feeling Frustrated,


Hello Feeling Frustrated,

I don’t think I am professing that we can take control of our mind this week, or even this month. I believe we can take control, but it takes time.  In the meantime we have to acknowledge that there are times we don’t have control and to make our peace with that until we develop more or our skills and will power. I think the process actually goes like this.


  1.  We don’t have any awareness that our mind controls us. So we aren’t trying to get control back.
  2. We get some awareness and discover that our beliefs (mind) are controlling many of our emotions and thoughts automatically.  (See session 2)
  3. We try to take control of our mind and get frustrated because we can’t even stop a negative thought.   (See session 3)
  4. We learn to practice acceptance that we don’t control our mind. (See session 6)
  5. We learn that we may not be able to control our mind just yet, but we don’t have to believe it, or let it control us. (Session 4, 5, 7 plus others)
  6. We learn ways to control our mind and attention at times, (session 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, and a lot of the others )  This includes an identification and inventory of the beliefs that influence our behavior and emotions.
  7. We practice ways to gain better control over our attention and emotions, and the faith we put in our beliefs and gain more control.
  8. We get better at it.


Your friends might not have any issues with controlling their mind because they are not trying to (or other reasons) One of the reasons for this is that they might be at step 1.

Hope that helps.


You can try out the first four sessions of the Self Mastery Course for free.