Mentoring for and Coaching for Self Mastery and Happiness
If you have already realized that:
1) You don’t have the skills you need in order to change your emotional reactions and behaviors and,
2) You know that the fastest way to learn those skills and abilities is from someone who is 1) Skilled at living them, and 2) is effective at teaching them to you.
A Practical Guide for Changing Thoughts, Beliefs, and Emotional Reactions
Then you already understand the value of having an experienced coach or guide walk you through changing your core beliefs, your emotional reactions, and developing a greater conscious awareness about living your life and being genuinely happy. If this is you then it is just a matter of finding the best mentor and coach for you.
There's no shame in not being able to change your emotions, behavior, beliefs, or how you interact in relationships. I don't know anyone who was taught these essential skills growing up. You were taught how to behave and what you should and shouldn't do or be. But you weren't taught how to change those things once that program was put into place.
If you are interested in getting started with individual coaching, I’ve outlined the basic logistics of my program below. If you have questions about my philosophy, what I cover, and what I don’t cover then skip down below for that background information. If you aren’t familiar with what I teach you might want to begin by listening to the free mp3 Audio Podcasts or listen to a couple of the exercises from the Free sessions in the Self Mastery series. They will give you a good opportunity to learn about me.
Basics of telephone Coaching Sessions
Availability: I’m generally available between the hours of 9am and 7pm California time (Pacific Time Zone). Monday through Friday are preferred, however I will do phone sessions on the weekend when available. Sometimes I'll do a call earlier than that, and somtimes later. (Not always the case) I currently have availability in my schedule for clients. I generally book sessions 2 days to 2 weeks out. If you are considering some coaching sessions, I am requiring that you finish listening through session 7 of the Basic Self Mastery Series first. It will cover many of the fundamentals that will be helpful for any coaching sessions.
I make the call. I will generally initiate the call and incur the phone charges. The exception to this is some foreign cell phone numbers. (My calling plan doesn’t cover some of these very well.) As an alternative I do use Skype on occasion.
Rates: My rates are $125/hr. Sessions are generally 1 hour in length but sometimes two hours.
Payment: Payment should be made in advance. You can send a check to:
Gary van Warmerdam
PO Box 3242
Santa Barbara, CA 93130
You can also pay by credit card using the link on the right.
For calls that exceed one hour, payments are prorated per quarter hour.
How Often do we talk: That decision is up to you because you are in charge of your own process. Generally, I find that the most effective frequency to talk is every two weeks. This gives you enough time to put into practice what we discuss. You will probably generate some discoveries as well and have a few questions by then. For some people working through difficult times we might talk once a week. For clients that have been working with me for a while and are effectively working through things on their own, we might do a tune up session once a month or less often.
A big part of how often we talk will be based on how motivated you are, and how much effort you want to make towards getting results.
Inquiry: Before contacting me for coaching I recommend that you do the Self Mastery Course Basic Series through session 7. These basics will need to be covered anyway, and exercises practiced. Also, please take some time to read through some articles on my site, and listen to the free audio. People who get the best results (fastest changes) listen to the audios multiple times.
Once you are ready to get started: You will need to send me three things. This background will help you get clarity and save me some time finding out about you. It also accomplishes some other requirements I have before working with some one, such as demonstrating a willingness for a person to take action on their own behalf.
1) Write out your intent of what you want to accomplish. This might be a very specific list, but it might also include some vague things you want to address that you can't put your finger on. If it is difficult to write a clear set of goals then that’s okay. It might be easier to write down what you don't want in your life anymore.
2) Write a couple pages of background about your life. Cover the basics of family, relationships, education, and career. Then spend most of the time writing about the emotionally defining experiences of your life. Write this bio in the manner explained in Session 5 on Point of View in the Self Mastery course.
3) Send a photo so I know what you look like.
Scheduling: Once I receive the biography and statement of intent, we will set up an appointment that works for both our schedules. You should also make a payment in advance. Some clients find it simpler to pay for several sessions at a time.
4) Be Ready: Have some questions and agenda items written down prior to the call. This way you are sure to get some immediate things covered. As most clients are several sessions into the Self Mastery series, I won't be up to speed immediately on what your next best step will be. So having some of your own questions and agenda items helps speed things along, and lets me know faster where you are, and what elements to work on.
5) Record the Call: There is often material that I'll explain, or cover in the call that you'll want a recording of. This is more effective than notes and allows you to keep your attention on the process of what we are doing. An easy way to record the call is by getting a free conference call line. One service is https://www.uberconference.com They allow you to record calls, make audios, and download mp3's.
How should you balance Personal Coaching with the Self Mastery Audio
I absolutely recommend that you purchase the basic Self Mastery Audio Program. For the price of one phone session you will get several hours of helpful audio about how to deal with, and change, your mind and emotions. For the money you can’t beat it. You will also have the benefit of a recording that you can go back to for review that you won’t have with a phone session. If you have purchased the audio you will have saved your self time and money over me covering the material on the phone.
Advantages of Individual Sessions
There are very real benefits to individual phone sessions. For starters we can focus on your specific belief system and the emotions you want to change. The program isn’t designed around any one issue like anger or jealousy, however our phone calls can be. I've recently published The Relationship Course to address relationship issues the Self Mastery program didn't cover. But even then relationship issues can be tricky and difficult to see the core belief clearly. How to eliminate emotional drama and deal more effectively with other people has many layers that I even hesitate to write about because of the confusion people make of the interpretation.
During individual sessions I will share material that isn’t on any of the recordings. I tailor the phone call and the assigned exercise depending on the specific obstacles in front of you at the moment. This is something that the Self Mastery Audio Program can’t do.
Another benefit of coaching is that some people are not very motivated to do this work by themselves. Their fears and inner demons put up resistance and obstacles that keep them from making changes. For them it is motivating that there is a phone call on the schedule. It also helps that the phone call can help them identify these issues and walk them around the traps.
Probably one of the biggest benefits of my individual mentoring is that you get the experience of interacting in a relationship where you are not judged. It is a safe environment to challenge your fears, inner demons, and self importance. One side benefit of unconditional acceptance is that it exposes and challenges all your self judgments. When you spend time interacting with somebody that doesn’t judge you no matter what, it becomes easier to be a skeptic and not believe your own judgments.
If you are seriously motivated to make changes in your life then use the Self Mastery Audio as a resource to cover the basics of what you need to know and do. Use the individual coaching sessions to focus on the specific issues and to work through your specific core beliefs that you want to change. It’s a whole lot faster having me walk you through your own core belief inventory than doing the first one on your own.
"Gary has the ability to see what to push in order to make a shift, and push that button in a way that works." - Susan D. Jackson WY
Do I do coaching by email?
I talk a lot faster than I type. If the phone call is on my dime, then it makes sense to get me on the phone instead. Besides, an extraordinary amount of context, emotion, tone, and meaning is lost by email. Both in what you tell me, and in what you would read in my reflections on what you are going through. My suggestion is that we pick up the phone.
Background on my philosophy and approach
I don’t do typical coaching and mentoring.
Much of the coaching going on today has to do with clearly defining goals and then taking effective actions to accomplish them. If satisfying these requirements was all there was to living a deeply fulfilling life then a lot more people would be happy. As this isn’t the case I don’t adhere to this approach
The problem with this approach is that the ego and fears in the mind get involved in defining the goals. We then spend all our efforts on accomplishing what the false beliefs of our ego mind have put before us. The disillusionment comes when we have achieved everything we wanted and find our self empty inside.
The ego mind and the false beliefs it contains don’t know what will create lasting happiness. If we are to be authentically happy then we will have to use a different path than just setting goals and achieving them.
Because of this I go at this process of success differently than most people do. By success, I mean satisfying peace and joy in your life, and love and fun in your relationships.
The first stage of the process to a more fulfilling life is to unravel the web of fear based beliefs and distracting mind chatter. It isn’t always a pretty process, but it can be the most effective and rewarding steps for real change.
I liken it to the transformational process described in the book Good to Great by Jim Collins. In the beginning of a transition it is more important to gather the right people with the right attitudes before you figure out your direction and goals. If you don’t, the bad attitudes not only pull you in the wrong direction, they avoid picking the right direction.
The same is true in your personal journey. It is easier to move forward in a positive and emotionally healthy way when you aren’t carrying the destructive aspects of your personality.
In this process it is not about managing or coping with the different sides of your emotionally reactive and sabotaging personality. It is about completely dissolving those destructive aspects so you don’t have to waste any energy managing or worrying about them in the future.
Some people say that this type of complete change isn’t possible. They believe that aspects of their personality are hardwired and that they need to learn compensating behaviors. I believe they say this because they haven’t experienced real change themselves. My experience is that it is possible to completely recreate our self.
Who are my typical clients?
Most of my clients are educated professionals and successful in their accomplishments. They are often executives, business owners, or health care providers. Some are even therapists, counselors, and coaches. However in spite of their success and accomplishments they still have a feeling of being unfulfilled, dissatisfied, or just want to work on some small emotional clean up.
Often they have come to a point of accomplishing their goals, look around, and wonder, “Is this all there is.” They have accomplished all the things they were supposed to do in life but don’t feel the satisfaction they had hoped for.
Other clients come to this realization through a rougher road of experiences. They have accomplished or created much of what they wanted only to have it fall apart. This can happen through a break up in relationships, an abrupt career change, or the passing on to death of someone close to them. Their experience causes them to realize that what they thought about themselves, other people, or the world may not have any basis in reality. They go looking for the Truth in order to make sense of Life and start questioning the assumptions and false beliefs in their mind.
Many of my clients have spent a great deal of time working with other avenues of change such as therapy, self help, meditation, NLP, or other spiritual practices. For whatever reason they have hit a ceiling and find that my work is an avenue around some of the obstacles the didn't see before. Some have attempted to find resolution in therapy but it doesn’t address their larger questions of life, love, and happiness. They may have looked into religion but didn’t find answers about themselves in the doctrine and practices. And because of their intelligence and skepticism they will not blindly put their faith in a dogma without an understanding that makes sense in a way they can trust it.
This quest for Truth about Life leads us on the same path as the search for Love, Happiness, and God. The journey leads us to a deep understanding and acceptance of our self. It then opens to a deep understanding and acceptance for Life and the world as it is. Some decide to continue their process to pursue this deeper spiritual understanding and connection.
I do not have a specific end point for my clients. They start where they are, and then continue until they feel they have gotten out of it what they want. As they learn to be a master of their life they use me less and less for support.
What does my Coaching Cover
The mentoring I provide covers the full spectrum from the emotional reaction of jealousy, to the nature of your relationship with the Divine.
If you are interested in my work take some time to read a couple articles. Definitely take the time to listen to some of the free mp3 audio on self awareness. The next level of interest will be to listen to and practice the free exercises in the Self Mastery Audio Course.
At this point some people are interested in working with me individually by phone or have questions about the next steps. I will always suggest that you purchase the full audio program and listen and practice those exercises as best you can. If you want to speed up your process then individual coaching sessions can be used to focus like a laser on your specific issues of your life. If you are seriously committed to personal change then I suggest attending one of my workshops or a Spiritual Power Journey.
What I don’t do
This isn’t therapy. I don't just sit there and listen while you talk about your emotional stories over and over again. I'll be sharing some insights on what is going on and the underlying reasons why. Most importantly you'll get some exercises to practice that will help change the thoughts that go through your head and how you feel emotionally.
After cleaning up the fear based beliefs and the ego in the mind the process moves on to be about what you want to create in your life. We go about creating goals, and desiring a life you enjoy, but we do it from a completely different point of view. From there some of my clients continue the journey to include building a deeper and more meaningful Spiritual connection with Life.
I think that is enough about my mentoring approach and philosophy for now. In the mean time here are a couple other points to note.
Where and How do I start
The best place to start is to listen to and practice the exercises in the Self Mastery Audio Course. They are simple and may not seem like they will create any change. I assure you that as you progress in the program they become more involved and move deeper. Many people will resist doing the exercises and only actually listen to the audio. This kind of resistance is very normal. If all you do is listen, but don't take action you can still make progress. Just by listening for a while your mind will be preparing itself for action. At a certain point you will be listening and it will click. you will begin taking action on something you heard.
If you have any questions email me at
Rates are $125 for 50-60 min sessions.
I am also available for for seminars, speaking engagements, and training's for organizations or associations.